Overachieving a Perfectionist

Some say being a perfectionist is a good thing. Some swear that there is nothing worse. I personally feel that it all has to do with how your brain is wired; whether you are or are not inclined towards perfection. Up until now, I’ve truly been indifferent. Being an overachieving perfectionist like myself, I just do what I do best, achieving and perfecting, and let the rest fall into place.

This syndrome that we perfectionists have only presents a problem when you’re suddenly not able to do what you see as being perfect. In a perfect world I would not have a blinding, pounding, thundering headache right now. Nor would I be scheduled to give a talk in less than twenty-four hours.  Nor would I need to write thousands of words yet tonight. Nor would I feel like I’m incapable of these feats

Yes, in my perfect would I would not be faced with the choice of what I want and what I need. What I really want is to feel better, to write, to give my talk, and to come home to my love’s voice. To me, that doesn’t sound like a very high request, but none of those things are even remotely possible.

Stupid head. It picked that absolute wrong time to be obstinate. By officially admitting that I’m invalid enough to temporarily give up one of my favorite things, public speaking, I feel like I am admitting defeat. It is so unlike me to not come through on something that I’ve been asked to do. And so by canceling the entire day tomorrow and taking a sick day in bed, I will have spent almost forty-eight hours indoors and will risk the onset of perpetual blues.

What I really need to do is write until my fingers go numb, get up in the morning, and just do it! A couple months ago, that’s exactly what I would have done. I was fresher then; I was more me, but part of who I am disappeared, carried in someone else’s heart. Maybe I just cried that part of me out of my system with all of the other emotions. Who knows? Who cares?

So, the ultimate question: Should I a) get up, get going, and just do it, or b) resign into bed feeling quite pitiful?

In light of these current thoughts, I have decided I hate being an overachieving perfectionist. It means that you can’t be happy with your best, especially when you’re at your worst. You become your own worst enemy. You begin to feel like you could or should be better than you are, get higher grades than you do, write more proficiently than you have been. 

And that’s when you tell that stupid little voice in your head to shut up. You tell her that you are no different than you were two months ago, that you’re just as proficient as you were then. You face yourself in the mirror, your biggest fear. You become determined to overachieve your inner perfectionist. You get up, you admit defeat, you cancel your talk, you write until your fingers go numb, and you go to sleep dreaming of a dark and swarthy Mocha Frapp. Then you wake up, drag your pounding head out of bed, drive to Starbucks, and order yourself a Mocha Frappuccino. At least there is the one thing that will always be perfect.

Those are the thoughts of a true overachieving perfectionist. 

p.s….. I really, really need to know what your favorite drink at Starbucks is. I’m not talking a temporary liking. I mean the real deal that will be waiting for you, yummy and delicious as always. Ryan needs to know. Don’t ask. It’s for the book.