Eat Up

You know your life has degraded to a new level of pathetic when the highlight of your week is a trip to Walmart. As all of the other highlights from my life have been relatively interesting, you might assume that something amazing happened today at Walmart. But it didn't. Nothing about Walmart has, or will ever, change. It's universally... blue. 

The only truly blog-worthy aspect of the trip was that instead of there being simply small, medium, and large marshmallows like I remember as a kid, there are about a million kinds, varying in size, color and texture. But the small, white, jet-puffed ones, perfect for popping in your mouth ten at a time, were nowhere to be found. There were, however, plenty of the Great Value brand, but I must point out that the generic ones don't melt; they sort of, well, wilt. (I have in fact experimented with this over a live fire, so don't tell me I'm wrong.) When I was asked to pick up the little, white, jet-puffed marshmallows, I thought I'd really got off easy! Clearly not! Sigh.... And it didn't help that the remainders of a sinus infection from hell still have a death grip on my head. My only words upon finally escaping through those shiny automated doors were, "I think I need a nap." Just not cool.

And here so ends all rational statements. I have nothing else to say, so if you want to hear something devastatingly witty and equally as charming, you had better stop reading. But if you're brave and would like to know the insides of my sick mind, listen up. 

Here's what I learned during the worst of my sinus infection, while staring at the ceiling, trying not to stop breathing:

#1) Two HotHands over the eyes does more for a throbbing head than any heated towel.

#2) The Bears losing to the Packers does not seem morally right.

#3) Emergen-C is tolerable if mixed with apple juice and water.

#4) Meghan Martin is not nearly as mean as Lindsey Lohan.

#5) Just watch the video...

Ok... You can't tell me that wasn't the best 32 seconds of your entire day! Eat both squares?!? Love it!

Personally I've never tasted anything better than a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup, except for maybe a Snickers Bar. Why not combine them??? I've been saying since the beginning of time that somebody a heck of a lot more powerful than me should stumble across the idea, and finally, he did. Maybe "Snickers Big Square" is not as good "Sneeses" or "Rickers," but it's still works. Whoever came up with the idea.... You are a sweet and savory genius, and I love you!

So I suppose there are some good things that come out of being sick for almost a week. I get the chance to see commercials, implying that I had time to watch TV. That's a luxury only reserved for those not writing novels, finishing school, and trying to maintain a hint of a social life. You know what else is perfectly fitted to the busy student???? I'll give you three hints:

1) It's scientifically proven to reduce stress.
2) Is excruciatingly pleasurable to experience.
3) It's something everybody wants from age 12 up.
 
Click here.

Eat up, Reader.